The Secret to a Happy Relationship

Image result for happy relationshipWhat state are your relationships in? The plural is deliberate because our relationships define us. The relationship with our ‘special one’ may well be at the core of our personal happiness, but so too are the relationships we have with our family and children. Is this practice in your relationships mirrored in how you relate to your colleagues and your pupils?  As we wrote here schools thrive on positive relationships.

“We are in a profession that relies almost in its entirety upon personal relationships to drive our ‘end product’ and it is those personal relationships in our schools, between our staff and between teachers and SLT that ultimately determine our wellbeing.”

There is no secret to a happy relationship but there are a values and features of romantic and family relationships that apply equally to the professional relationship we have with our colleagues, students and parents and to promoting a positive school culture.

Do all of these feature in your relationships both in and out of school?

Trust: mutual trust in each other’s underlying beliefs and abilities builds and strengthens any relationship. Without trust, personal and professional relationships have no foundation.

Respect: have mutual respect for the range of each other’s talents and skills. Respect each other’s opinions and share any differences openly, fairly and without being judgemental.

Honesty: like trust, a foundation of any relationship.

Presence: being there and sometimes knowing when not being there can help too.

Compromise: because nobody can be right all of the time.

Teamwork: the longest relationships don’t rely on finishing each others sentences, but they do need us to know what makes each other tick.

Perseverance: a partnership is a marathon, not a sprint, and the good times far outweigh the less good ones.

Celebration: mark the big things (anniversaries and birthdays) but acknowledge the little successes too.

Laughter: lots of it. Usually with each other, sometimes at each other.

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#ForteFebruaryHT: Rebooted and refreshed. Stronger; not louder.

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As we said a year ago putting aside the two syllable ‘forte’ meaning ‘loud’ for the single syllable ‘forte’ meaning ‘strength’ or ‘talent’ is a measure of mindset and attitude over ego and a lack of awareness.

#ForteFebruaryHT recognises talents and strengths, rather than volume and intensity, and is our opportunity to celebrate our own abilities and gifts as well as those of others. Here we revisit our key aspects from a year ago and bring some new suggestions to support self-care and promote wellbeing through a principled approach.

“Good job applications balance the ‘I’ with the ‘we’ particularly where a team environment is required, as we are in teaching. It is a skill to draw upon one’s own strengths without sounding self-centred. If we consider self-confidence though, and the positive approach we encouraged through #JoyfulJanuaryHT , then we are able to recognise the strengths we have by picking the positives from each day.”

Let us consider resilience. For those of you lucky enough to be able to deal with any challenge, difficulty or unexpected drama without betraying a hint of distress, there will be colleagues who will find each of these a stressful or worrying experience. How might we boost their resilience or self-confidence this month?

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As detailed here a key point of entry to unlocking resilience is to enable your staff to recognise their emotions, talk about their triggers and make it not just acceptable but good practice to seek advice and support. We have all been in the situation where we ‘didn’t know’ and, truth be told, we are probably in such a position more often than we might admit. Similarly, connecting with our core values, being authentic and relating these to our goals and ambitions can give a channel to our resilience and a measurable target.

“Sometimes however our colleagues and friends will need a confidence boost, not because they are down but because their natural demeanour isn’t one that exudes or promotes what they are good at. They may be the strong but silent type. The power of a ‘thank you’ or a smile can transform a day. Little asides recognise gifts and can give a timely boost to resilience: ‘What a great display!’; ‘I really admired the way you dealt with that situation!’; ‘Thank you for standing up for me!’. Don’t forget there are many qualities that go unrecognised or unacknowledged; when was the last time you told a colleague what a great parent they were, how grateful their partner must be to have them or what an example they set through their conduct.”

In short, do you know your colleagues? Really know them? If you aren’t doing so already we really recommend our ‘Tea and Talk’ initiative as a means of starting conversations that are meaningful, productive and supportive. A professional conversation that isn’t about data or pedagogy; try it, you may just learn something.

Valentine’s Day is on the 14th and whilst an ideal opportunity to show the special person in your life just how much they mean to you, it also gives us the opportunity to consider ‘love’ in its broadest context. As a value, love is more than attraction and fondness: it embraces respect, kindness, friendship, understanding, tolerance and sincerity. The spirit of love means that others aren’t belittled or excluded, but are given a boost to their confidence and truly valued.

“This month we ask you to recognise and acknowledge strength and talent and to share it using our #ForteFebruaryHT hashtag. Recognise others for their talents and tell them. Remember that talent might be on the sporting field or the stage, but equally that talent might be through a kind word, a welcome hug or simply through the confidence that this person is there for you.”

To promote your own talent without showing off is a challenge. We all, however, have inner strength to celebrate. Self-esteem, resilience, strength of character and a positive sense of self is something to promote and be proud of.

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On the 28th February let us all tweet just one great thing about ourselves, but use the first 27 days to build our resilience and recognise the talents of others.

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There is much more content to come this month and as in our previous themed months we are looking for you to share how you have been promoting strength and talent in your setting. Don’t forget the hashtag #ForteFebruaryHT.

 

Culture is Everything: Where do we turn for Wellbeing solutions?

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In the week that saw the announcement of another new Secretary of State for Education, there has been the expected raft of articles with top priorities that Mr Hinds faces in the departmental in-tray. Whilst some pieces that we have encountered have made mention of recruitment and retention, we have yet to see the term ‘wellbeing’ appear to date.

When we read articles such as this revealing the numbers of teachers on long-term leave from stress we question why journalists haven’t given higher profile to the issue of teacher health.

  • One in every 83 teachers being absent for a month or more compared to one in 95 three years earlier.
  • 1.3 million days of absence over four years for stress related conditions.
  • 312,000 days of absence in 2016/17 alone.

With limited budgets for supply cover, costs of staff insurance and limited numbers of options for covering classes, there is a level of stress for members of SLT juggling a whole range of other matters in addition to staff illness.

Where is the stress emanating from? Whilst it would be easy to lay responsibility at the feet of those in authority,  this article outlines the stress that micromanagement and a perceived lack of trust has. Though the work of one teacher, we suspect this is replicated on a much wider basis. Add to this the responses we often hear of schools to local sourced ‘OFSTED Myths’ and new initiatives introduced sometimes with little strategic thinking.

Where does the answer rest? Though responsible ultimately from 450,000 or more teachers, the new Secretary of State, with all the best will in the world is not going to know what makes our teachers tick. We are in a profession that relies almost in its entirety upon personal relationships to drive our ‘end product’ and it is those personal relationships in our schools, between our staff and between teachers and SLT that ultimately determine our wellbeing.

If there is going to be an approach that supports the mental and physical wellbeing of all our staff, it is individual schools and MATs that need to drive this. It is a matter of school culture.

It is all down to culture.

Culture is everything.

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As we have written before wellbeing is a ‘multi-sided dice’ but neither is it a tickbox exercise.

Self-care is an core part of  wellbeing. However self-care is going to look different for everyone. For each person that takes a digital detox there will be someone who may ‘live’ on social media yet see it as part of their self-care. Meditation and Mindfulness exercises are felt by many to be highly beneficial while others might feel more uncomfortable. For every person who may spend Saturday lunchtime at a local hostelry, there will be another hiking over moors and mountains. Every teacher with their nose buried in a book will be matched by others digging an allotment or chasing a ball of a variety of shapes and sizes around a field. Many readers may be pursuing #SelfCareSunday but other days are available. Remember also to ensure your self-care during the working day too.

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Self-care is an entitlement, an equal entitlement for all members of the school. Do we however provide the means for our teachers, our teaching assistants and our other staff, including SLT, to exercise self-care. This is where school culture is vital. Is your school values driven, principled, and strategic? Or is wellbeing undermined by short deadlines, ad hoc solutions, inconsistencies or rreactive decisions. Do the actions or words of some individuals impact upon the wellbeing of other staff.

It is all down to culture.

Culture is everything.

This has been the core message of Healthy Toolkit since our inception. Solutions to wellbeing matters from a whole school, strategic perspective should enable our staff to have time for their self-care. There is no ‘one size fits all’ solution, no ideal solution; nor will there be a solution that is 100% perfect but we can aspire to this. Ultimately having staff who are as physically fit and mentally well as possible benefits our children and the quality of the education they receive.

We would like to hear more from our readers and from schools as to  their experience of supporting staff wellbeing. We would to hear both positive and negative experiences: for every school that might expect planning emailed to SLT over the weekend there will be a school with exceptional support for staff experiencing bereavement or family illness; for each establishment where PPA is uncertain, others will guarantee it regardless of circumstance. Do you know what makes each other tick, or do you only ever ‘talk shop’? Maybe you work in a school which is using a version of our #TeaAndTalk initiative.

Please use our contact form or DM @HealthyToolkit on Twitter. Confidentiality is assured.

Ultimately it is down to culture.

Culture is everything.

 

The Shortest Day

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The shortest day, with no sense of irony, ends the longest term, and is an appropriate point for us to round of our loose trilogy of wellbeing blogs under our #DetoxDecemberHT hashtag. The first two parts can be found here https://healthyteachertoolkit.wordpress.com/2017/12/10/in-the-bleak-midwinter-surviving-the-last-days-to-christmas-at-school/ and here https://healthyteachertoolkit.wordpress.com/2017/12/17/the-best-week-of-the-year/

Some of you are well into your first week off and others still have tomorrow to negotiate too. We have raised the issue of where school holidays fall in the past and one of our team discussions in recent days raised the question of whether a three week shutdown over the festive period might be appropriate. The traditional shutdown period undertaken by many in commerce actually overlaps the break for many teachers. Whilst we don’t want to be thinking about the return to work, the children in many of our schools will be resuming their studies whilst the decorations are still up.

Wellbeing during the holiday is as key as wellbeing during the term, and whilst many of us may have limped over the line having started in August in some cases, teachers and school leaders need to recognise that this holiday is only a staging post in the academic year. Here we will consider a few simple but practical strategies to keep wellbeing focussed and to cut stress to a minimum.

School Leaders

Look after your staff and they will look after you! We do hear of schools where there is a stack of emails for staff to address and from the days where inspections had a longer notice period, an expectation to come to school between Christmas and New Year to prepare the classrooms and planning. A few simple guidelines will help to cement goodwill.

  • Communication; keep it to a minimum. Diaries and dates, data analyses, reminders; yes they are important but keep it all in one email.
  • Avoid the most pervasive feature of email: the read receipt! It is intrusive and adds unnecessary pressure.
  • That amazing new initiative or the essential change you want to see from January; it can wait until January or should have been rolled out before term ended.
  • Respect the fact that your staff have families and loved ones, or may have lost loved ones.
  • Respect the fact that some don’t or may face as challenging a time as some of our families.
  • Any communication with staff you do have needs to feature the simplest and most uplifting words in the wellbeing lexicon….

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Teachers

  • You are going to have things to do. Don’t fret through the holiday over your work. Choose a day and time to get it done. If returning in the first week of January get it done now and free up the festive days. This is a staging post in the year and no headteacher want to see a teacher exhausted by the end of the first week.
  • See email advice for leaders above: why not do the same?
  • If your school email comes to your phone, delete or disable the app until January.

For everyone

  • Though you may be tempted by the wine and chocolate gifts from parents and children, don’t lose yourself in an alcohol haze. Christmas can be a time of excess but do look after yourself. A pre-Christmas detox or a break between Christmas and New Year are too simple diet and exercise strategies to consider.
  • Catch up! Old friends; neighbours; that book you started in October; those withered plants in the garden; the Scandinavian crime drama on BBC4. Why not give these your attention.
  • Have a digital switch off or at least save Twitter for pictures of your Christmas dinner or new socks. A Christmas row on Twitter is almost as traditional now as a repeat of Morecambe and Wise. Is it really necessary?

How about this one, found by a dear friend.

Jólabókaflóð: the Christmas Book Flood

The Icelandic Tradition of gifting books on Christmas Eve includes the whole family reading their new books together, tucked in bed with a warming hot chocolate or a suitable tipple. How beautiful is that!

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Think Positive

You have made it to the end of another year. You are in the most rewarding and uplifting profession that there is and every single one of us makes an impact on the lives of young people and their families.

It may be dark, it may be cold, Australia might have regained the Ashes (temporarily on loan) but from today, the nights lengthen, the light improves and summer is coming!

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#DetoxDecemberHT: Revisited,Rebooted and Revised

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Last Advent we launched #DetoxDecemberHT and much as we did with November we have revisited our previous blog, selected a few prime cuts and added a few more choices and suggestions for the run to the Festive Season. The original post can be found here https://healthyteachertoolkit.wordpress.com/2016/11/28/detox-december/

Many of the responses to the hashtag a year ago drew upon our slightly unconventional approach to the definition of ‘detox’

” ‘Detox’ is one of those words which through slang and ‘text speak’ has been abbreviated from its original spelling. As a noun, detoxification is a process or period of time in which one abstains from or rids the body of toxic or unhealthy substances. As a verb, to detoxify means to be actively involved in abstinence or expulsion of toxins. We normally associate detoxification with diet, alcohol or medication, but as we shall explore further, there are other aspects to our professional and personal lives to which the principles of detoxification can apply.”

This was last years eleven point plan to a detoxified December.

  1. Eat healthily.
  2. Drink more water.
  3. Drink fruit and herbal teas.
  4. Cut down or cut out the alcohol.
  5. Make positive connections.
  6. Exercise.
  7. Prioritise
  8. Meditate.
  9. Declutter.
  10. Reconnect with your inner child.
  11. Have a social media detox.

We can all make decisions about detoxing our diet and particularly with what is regarded as ‘stodge season’ on the horizon, healthy choices for lunches and dinners can maintain energy, boost immunity and keep the additional pounds at bay. Likewise the choices with alcohol can also impact upon wellbeing and weight; in the commercial and financial sectors, Christmas social occasions will start on 1st December and run to the new year. Consider the impact upon the vital organs as well as the purse-strings. Is anyone up to the challenge of going alcohol free from 1st December to Christmas Eve.

Last year’s piece included our thoughts on alternative drinks. This year we have discovered some interesting infusions; turmeric tea, liquorice and peppermint, a range of incarnations and flavourings of green tea.

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“The spirit of #DetoxDecemberHT lies in more than simply a change in dietary habits for teachers. If we examine our lifestyles as a whole we can identify other means to bring a more positive tone to our lives at a challenging time of the school year.”

Have you tried a Digital Detox? One day a week. No tweeting, no checking Twitter. No checking your phone ‘for the football results’. Just yesterday as we were picking a parcel from the sorting office, the polite notice not to use phones in the queue was ignored by 75% of those waiting. Can we avoid Facebook, YouTube, emails and texts and maybe just talk?

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“Making positive connections with people is a way to engage the grey matter, broaden our social circle and find new interests. This may be through social media which can enable like-minded individuals to connect in a positive manner.”

How do we really connect? Do you actually connect with your colleagues? Are your conversations about them, or are they about you? Why not file your ego and take up the Reverse Advent Calendar challenge?

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We ran Reverse Advent Calendars in our schools last Advent, with the local Food Bank benefiting from the generosity of our children and parents, and all of us at Healthy Toolkit HQ are creating our own this year.

For the #DetoxDecemberHT #ReverseAdventCalendar we suggest that each day has a random act of positivity, some of which may be actions in school and others in your community. We will post a suggestion each day but these could include: taking a playground duty for a colleague and not expecting cover in return; making lunch for one or all of your team- unannounced; leaving a note of appreciation on the desk, computer or in the pigeonhole of someone you haven’t really communicated with this term; buying a few extra Christmas items at the supermarket and dropping them in the Food Bank collection point.

Positivity is infectious; spread it and the school is a happier place. Detox your December with positive vibes!

 

School Wellbeing: a multi-sided dice, not a loaded one

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In ‘Guys and Dolls‘ Sky Masterson wins a dice game having trumped an attempt to play with fixed dice. Loaded dice will be familiar from many films with a scene set in a casino and in literature, Luke Rhinehart’s ‘The Dice Man‘,has the key protagonist, bored and unfulfilled, making life decisions on the roll of a dice.

Wellbeing on the other hand isn’t a gamble, shouldn’t be down to luck and must not be loaded in the favour of any interested party. As we have written before, putting wellbeing into practice requires dedication  and a commitment, personally and professionally, to strong core values.

Working in a team has its challenges, with a diversity of skills, ages, experiences, opinions and attitudes. Interpersonal skills used effectively can enable the staff to forge effective relationships and work together as a team. The loaded dice, the ‘spanner in the works’, arises when the authentic  dedication to values is undermined by the actions and attitudes of those putting self before team. This may come about as an antagonistic act, but equally likely may arise through force of personality or simply by thoughtlessness.

Wellbeing is for every day and for everyone, but SLT need to set the example, model the good practice and make clear their expectations. In being proactive you need to know your staff: recognise who may be vulnerable to pressures; who doesn’t enjoy the staffroom banter; who has things going on in their lives that add other burdens to their load. SLT need to listen and to talk. Perhaps you may even take up the #TeaAndTalk challenge and differentiate between personal dialogue and staffroom chatter.

Please remember that SLT are human too and have been in class until recently. They often bookend the day at school, handle a lot of flack that never reaches the classroom and also have the often emotionally draining responsibilities related to safeguarding. SLT are equally as entitled to their wellbeing as everyone else in the school.

We need our staff to be well and both physically and mentally able to teach their classes to the best standards possible. Good leadership will guarantee PPA; though it should be set in stone, we know of cases where it has been lost and not returned. Equally those leaders may give additional time for test marking, data entry, report writing and monitoring. Many of the recommendations in the workload review into planning, marking and data management are principled and practical.  It is workload that is likely to take teachers out of the profession, but factors such as support around behaviour also come into play.

In considering their wellbeing all staff also need to consider their colleagues. Nobody can help being ill but the impact of even a day of absence has knock-on implications for those who have to pick up teaching responsibility in addition to other duties. Though you should have your release times guaranteed some loss of it will naturally occur. Time will be paid back by good leaders without the need to ask for it.

 

The only stakeholders entitled to have a slightly more loaded dice for their wellbeing are the children. They are entitled to the best, to be listened to as much as talked to, to have their needs met and to build the social, learning and life skills that make them the values centred young people that contribute to our society. Teach them well, train them well, treat them well; they will repay the care for their wellbeing by the shedload.

In rolling the wellbeing dice, we need to ensure that it can fall equally on each side. Each of us needs to play fair and add equal weight to the care of each other and ourselves. The biggest impact on wellbeing is when individuality comes first; if we complain loudly and inappropriately, if we drain the energy of our colleagues through negative attitude or workload contribution. Part of #NurtureNovemberHT is #NoNegativityNovember HT https://healthyteachertoolkit.wordpress.com/2017/10/29/nurturenovemberht-revisited-rebooted-and-refreshed/

So let’s keep positive and play fair!

 

 

 

Call it out!

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A fortnight ago our blog ‘Man Up!’  https://healthyteachertoolkit.wordpress.com/2017/10/21/man-up-men-need-to-stand-up-and-challenge-sexism/ urged men to stand up to sexism in our staffrooms and to challenge those who blocked the careers of women over gender, maternity or simple minded prejudice. It also called for men to set an example to the young men in their classes with regard to healthy and positive relationships with women. Since then events at Westminster suggest a number of our male politicians need to heed this message too.

We were perturbed however this weekend to hear that on EduTwitter there had been sexual harassment of female teachers via tweets and DM. Whilst details are scant it would appear to relate to suggestive comments and more seriously the sending of images of male genitalia.

This issue needs addressing. It would appear that more than one man is involved and that it may have taken place over a long period. Whilst we should not speculate about those involved, this being a matter for the law, there are valid points to raise now, especially if you are a perpetrator of these acts and are reading this on the phone or computer from which the offending material was sent.

You are men. You are men in a responsible position. Maybe leading a school or department, maybe a consultant. You have responsibility for safeguarding. Maybe you have thousands of followers and that gives you a sense of entitlement. If you’re reading this, here’s news for you. You have zero entitlement.

You are an embarrassment to your gender; our gender.

You are a threat to our daughters, our wives or girlfriends, our sisters and mothers and to our female friends and colleagues. You are a threat to men too: men can also receive such vile communication, but also you are potentially sowing the thought ‘Is this new follower a potential offender?‘ in the minds of those who have received such repugnant treatment or who may be feeling vulnerable.

You are predators, seizing on what you perceive as a vulnerability or weakness. Your conduct revolts, disgusts, turns the stomach. How in a thousand years could you consider this normal, acceptable or likely to succeed?

You should be hanging your head in shame not massaging your ego. If you defend such behaviour  in others you are equally to blame. You have no place on Twitter and no place in teaching.

The good men out there: let’s have some affirmative action. ‘Call it out’ if you see it or hear it. Challenge it, report it. We stand with WomenEd – “We’re just not going to tolerate it.” If anyone behaves inappropriately report to Twitter. Block them.

Signed: the decent men of EduTwitter.

Man Up? Men need to stand up and challenge sexism.

A values driven school will use those values as principles that guide behaviour. These behaviours need to relate to the lives and actions of the whole school community: the adults need to live and model the values as much as the children do. As adults we set examples which are often determined by our experience and social background, our beliefs, culture, faith and also by our gender.

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When we see such shocking reports as this http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-41499243  and with child-on-child sexual offences on the increase as reported here http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-41504571 and here https://www.tes.com/news/school-news/breaking-news/huge-rise-alleged-sexual-assaults-under-18s  there is clearly an issue which needs addressing in terms of sexualised behaviours by children and young people at an early age, particularly relating to the conduct of boys.

In the wake of the revelations into the behaviour of Harvey Weinstein, some professions and businesses have been considering the extent of sexism and misogyny within their staff. Questions are being asked within the Football Association in regard of the conduct of Mark Sampson and others. Education is not exempt from this debate. Just this week this article https://www.tes.com/news/school-news/breaking-views/schools-are-not-immune-virulent-sexual-harassment referenced the conduct not only of our male pupils but also of some male staff.

‘Lad culture’ is probably something that has evolved since the dawn of humanity but the growth of popular culture and of social media has promoted stereotypes and not actively discouraged certain behaviours. Briefly in the 1980s and 1990s, particularly in our universities, there might have been some awareness raised of sexist attitudes, but just this very morning on BBC Breakfast a recent undergraduate admitted that in his student days he was part of the ‘rugby club culture’ and that he participated in ‘leering, chanting and ‘not taking no for an answer‘ the latter part of which he felt uncomfortable in developing further.

As male teachers in education, we are often told that we have to be ‘role models’ for our young male pupils. Whilst we have enough on our plates already and could never be ‘substitute’ fathers or brothers, in many cases we are the only positive male presence in the lives of our boys.

Men therefore need to be able to challenge sexist and other inappropriate behaviours in school. We have heard, even with primary aged children, of boys groping female staff and pupils and these would need to be dealt with as safeguarding concerns. Sex education lessons sometimes raise questions that even broad-minded adults may blush at. We know that these behaviours were challenged and dealt with, but the matter of how a primary aged boy thinks any of these as appropriate begs the question about his actions and attitudes as an adult.

A recent episode of Educating Greater Manchester featured Year 7s in a relationship, ‘dating’, breaking up and making up. Both had been ‘dating’ in their primary school. Are children of this age really ready, emotionally or socially, to say they are dating? Are they ready to cope with the emotional impact of a ‘break up’ and the way it will affect their mindset, friendships and academic work? The boy, the less mature of the pair, seemed quite possessive.

Likewise, any boys who think it acceptable to strike a girl need to be challenged. Any violent act needs to be addressed but this aspect should be especially acted upon not only for the act itself but what it implies in our society.   The boy, and equally as likely the girl,  may have witnessed domestic violence themselves. The cycle of DV needs to be challenged and broken.

Whilst all of these matters will be dealt with by anyone in school, there is a moral obligation upon our male staff to stand firm with the example set and to challenge the stereotypes that this infographic illustrates.

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Do our male teachers always act in the appropriate manner? Many do, but these are some examples of what we have heard from some schools.

  • Overheard from a neighbouring room after school: male staff ‘ranking’ the female staff by ‘desirability’. The actual terminology used is inappropriate for this medium.
  • Overheard in a staffroom; ‘The trouble with the female staff here is that they are only interested in chasing boyfriends, getting married and having babies’.
  • A male teacher giving the name of an adult film actor to a child to include in a story.
  • One male teacher challenged by a male member of SLT about sexist comments to and about female colleagues: ‘Some people are offended by the comments you have made’; ‘Well send them to me I’ll have a word’; ‘Actually, it’s me!’. The offender had the good grace to leave the school shortly afterwards.

Challenge. This is the key word. Challenge: because it isn’t acceptable. Challenge: because it’s wrong. Challenge: because if you joined the profession to make a difference, here you can make a difference!

The revelations about the conduct of Weinstein suggest that this has been known about for years but fear has been a factor in keeping his behaviour hidden and to allow it to continue. The Sampson case suggests that some degree of cover up or an inherently sexist culture within the FA. Fear, for career prospects or of social exclusion, may have been a factor in the lack of challenge of such incidents detailed above.

Social media and the internet is a powerful tool to challenge but also to reinforce negative cultures. Male tweeters can be passive-aggressive in their tweets and selective in their use of language and quoting statistics about the numbers of women teachers and the numbers reaching leadership positions. This is dismissive of the experience of all of those women who have had their career paths diverted or scuppered because of attitudes about gender or because of stereotypical assumptions of pregnancy and maternity.

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Wednesday 11th October 2017 marked International Day of the Girl, and though unable to contribute to any of the speaking events we wanted to contribute to the agenda of the day and to do this particularly by challenging sexism, both in attitudes and in inappropriate behaviour. We began drafting this blog last week have added and edited  after recent events and revelations.

We also shouldn’t forget men who are victims of sexual assault, but who might not feel able to speak out/up as openly as women do. And by creating the divide: women are victims and men are predators, we are not giving them the chance to speak up. We feel passionately that it is not about gender, it is about human rights, it is about men and women coming together to fight against what is morally and legally wrong.

The term ‘Man Up’ is regarded as offensive, with implications that men should behave in a certain manner, not express emotions or display any sensitivity. Let us reclaim the term. The #MeToo and #IHearYou hashtags have allowed women to speak of their experiences without fear. They can be used by men too to call out what they believe to be wrong. We have the skills to challenge the culture. ‘Man Up’ and use them!

#OptimismOctoberHT

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Always Look on the Bright Side of Life.

How has a year gone by so quickly? Our twelfth in our cycle of monthly themes rounds off with a topic dear to our hearts. In the pressure cooker that the education environment of 2017 currently is, negative thoughts are easily generated for leadership pressure, fears over performance and behaviour and by the habit of many teachers to be self-critical. This month we urge you to think positive, drive those critical self-analyses away and be optimistic.

Optimism: it is irritatingly catchy. However is not simply a matter of smiling, laughing off the cares of the world and running through wheat fields. Optimism requires considered actions and attitudes that deep down are driven by our core values. How often have we heard ‘get over it‘ or ‘pull yourself together‘? In point of fact neither are easy options to follow, nor is self-care a walk in the park either. Putting ourselves first, particularly where we put family, friends and colleagues before our own wellbeing, offers many challenges in itself. Ultimately, as most of our themes have suggested, individual mindset comes into play.

Recently @HealthyToolkit launched #SelfCareSunday, and some suggestions for this included a digital switch off, days by the coast or getting stuck into a good book. Ultimately self-care comes down to self-choice. The choice might be to select Saturday; though many teachers hate the pressures on Sunday evening, others report that they thrive on it. Each to their own after all.

Whilst discussing this blog over the Healthy Toolkit HQ kitchen table, we had a healthy debate of our own:

When Sunday night comes around, it’s hard not to experience that feeling of dread for Monday morning. You can use #SelfCareSunday to improve your week by doing a few activities that ensure you’ll have more pleasant days to come. Using Sundays as a dedicated day to get your life together can make for a smoother work week, and you may even find yourself looking forward to the end of the weekend.

If you’re trying to avoid the Monday blues, or you’re just trying to find time to fit in all your errands, consider doing these six things every Sunday to improve the rest of your week.

Plan your meals. Motivate yourself. Have fun”

However we had an alternate viewpoint from another member of our team:

“I don’t like using Sundays to sort out the week. I like to use Sundays to forget about work and household chores and reconnect with myself, God, universe, spend time with kids. Why do we use Sundays for chores? Can we do some things on Friday while we are still in a work mode or Saturday morning? Week is for working. We can’t just say that it’s the only way; we must offer options.”

How do you organise your weekends? What works for you?

We can’t preach. Self-care is a personal choice very much dependent upon circumstances, relationships, attitudes, values and mindset. There are nevertheless a few generic points which our readers may want to consider this coming month.

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Reflect

Upon your own week, month or year. Do the successes outweigh the challenges, laughter the tears and smiles the grimaces? Focusing on the negative is a drain.

Recover

Does the alarm sound before 6am at the weekend too? Does your body clock say ‘school’ to you? A lie in is a rare luxury. Don’t save it to half term or you may be totally exhausted before then. We know some of you might be feeling like that now, but believe us there is a difference between tiredness and total exhaustion.

Renew

Your energies: food, exercise, meditation; whatever suits you. Digital switch off helps too. Do you need to be on Twitter and Facebook at 7am?

Respect

Yourself: your body’s best friend is your mind. Feed it, nurture it, relax it.

Others: the loved one you had sour words with, the friend you had a grumble at, the Tweeter you challenged in haste. Sorry isn’t the hardest word.

Rewind

You can’t turn back time but you can learn from mistakes of the past. If you have spent all weekend planning, little time connecting with the family, no time in the cinema, theatre, pub or football stadium, perhaps now is the time to think how that connection can be reforged, even for a few hours.

Reimagine

Reimagine or reinvent? You won’t change yourself over a weekend. Habits take time to establish, but start leading them and they become routine. A Sunday stroll, an hour in the garden, that subtitled French film that you’ve had sat in the sock drawer since Christmas. Some of you may consider reimagining your work-selves. Are you too hard or too soft? Do you live your values, or just spout them? Are you authentic or putting on an act?

Optimism cannot be dictated. Positivity takes a range of forms dependent upon the individual. #SelfCareSunday, whichever day you take it, allows us to reconnect and rechannel energies. Optimism can help us plan ahead too: Do you know it’s Christmas in only 85 more days?

We have also launched #HealthyToolkitMusic to share amazingly positive and energetic music too. Eagle eyed readers will have spotted the song references hidden in this piece. Please use the hashtag #OptimismOctoberHT in you blogs and tweets. If you are a lucky Tweeter with 280 characters, you can be doubly optimistic.

 

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When is a story not a story? When it is born from lazy journalism.

Last week we wrote of the lazy stereotypes, of teachers and pupils, portrayed in Channel 4’s Ackley Bridge https://healthyteachertoolkit.wordpress.com/2017/08/09/lazy-stereotypes-schools-thrive-on-relationships-but-not-like-these/ where the theme of our blog was on the promotion of healthy relationships in schools. This was of course a programme produced with entertainment as its aim.

It was with some dismay that this week this article appeared in the press https://www.tes.com/news/school-news/breaking-news/bored-teachers-sign-cheat-partners-during-holidays

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If this had appeared in one of the tabloid newspapers, especially one of those that delights in criticising schools and teachers, then we would not have been surprised. We regularly see tales of schools banning haircuts, usually accompanied by a picture of a grumpy parent and child. Schools banning chips and parents making deliveries through the fence makes good copy for editors. Teachers caught drunk and abusive on a night out sometimes makes the news too.

This piece however was published by the TES, an esteemed publication we believed that is not prone to feature sensational or provocative journalism.  We take issue with a number of points in this article.

The gist of the piece is that 30,000 teachers, 6.6% of the workforce, are signed up to a website to arrange encounters to cheat on their partners and that there has been a spike in new registrations by teachers this summer, with 300 of them supposedly surveyed and 80% of these saying they were cheating because of “boredom and loneliness” during the holiday.

  • More than 80 per cent of newer registrants to the site were female.” Why draw attention to this? It is sexist to do so and to suggest that females are more likely to cheat than males.
  • More than 59 per cent of the maritally frisky teachers came from small towns and rural areas.” What does this term ‘maritally frisky‘ mean? It seems to have been extracted from a politically incorrect 1970’s sitcom. What is the writer trying to suggest about “small towns and rural areas” that makes the morals of inhabitants of these places any different from those who live in cities?
  • The mention of “boredom and loneliness” during the holiday period suggests some people have no control over their libido and that they are unable to wait for a few hours for the return of their partner.

Marriages and relationships break down for a variety of reasons, of which infidelity is only one. Some of us will know of a teaching colleague who has cheated on a partner, but the stark reality for a teacher is that managing workload and a stable relationship, perhaps with children too, is enough of a life challenge. Anyone who can fit in an affair too is probably not entirely dedicated to their role.

The article goes on to quote a spokesman for the website, someone perhaps qualified to speak for his clients but not one who could honestly speak with authority about teacher workload and stress. Reference to teachers being “too consumed … to notice the cracks appearing in their marriage” and only noticing that their relationships are damaged during the holidays is a patronising and sweeping statement and  “It’s only a matter of time before the itch to cheat kicks in” suggests many of our colleagues are morally corrupt.

Exception will be taken by many to the photograph accompanying the article; a scantily clad and provocatively posed pair who were young and slim. Is it only youthful and slender people who are adulterers?

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What the article fails to point out is whether we actually know that these 30,000 are actually teachers. It is only two years since the hack of the Ashley Madison website, one set up similarly for married people to have adulterous encounters. There was a fear amongst clients that their details would be leaked and their life partners discovering their infidelity. It is likely, is it not, that some people may alter some of their personal information online to protect themselves. These ‘teachers’ may actually be civil servants, accountants or even unemployed.

Teachers are not going to lead blemish free and blame free lives. Some will have affairs, but that is the nature of society, not of teachers. Many though will have strong moral values and a sense of self-control which means they would never do such a thing. Teachers are just as entitled to join online dating sites as anyone else and indeed we know of teachers who have met their partners through such means.

This article though is sensational, falling as it does during the ‘silly season’ where serious news is often short on the ground. We would ask what the purpose of the article is and what it is aiming to achieve: To belittle teachers? To raise a cheap laugh? Don’t forget that in August our secondary colleagues have two results days to concern themselves with, primary teachers are setting up new classrooms and planning and our senior leaders are concerning themselves with data analysis and the year ahead. Time for an affair? Think again!

In short this is lazy journalism, not befitting the reputation of the TES.

Must try harder. See me after class.